


L for Right, R for Left

by calerine



Category: Snow Man (Japan Band)
Genre: Drabble Collection, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:21:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26697421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calerine/pseuds/calerine
Summary: A bunch of Koji/Meme drabbles I've been randomly writing recently. Will be updated as I write them.
Relationships: Meguro Ren/Mukai Kouji
Comments: 16
Kudos: 21





	1. Cruelty

**Author's Note:**

> They're so precious they make my chest hurt.

“I’m not sure that counts,” Meguro says, frowning but looking quite unbothered.

“It totally counts,” Koji tells him, ticking the NO box for _Does your crush call you cute?_ “I’m half Thai; I need verbal reassurances or I don’t know if you like me back.”

“Okay.” Meguro replies, frown deepening. “You’re cute. You’re my boyfriend and I like you a lot.” He’s so red, waving his hand like he’s trying so hard to be nonchalant. “Don’t listen to what this quiz tells you, it’s all nonsense anyway.”

Koji grins wide, closing the magazine and tucking it away. _Success!_ “Okay,” he says. “I guess that’s acceptable.”


	2. Uncle

Of course Koji’s uncle is a magician, Meguro should have known, with this family’s track record. As if meeting Koji’s relatives _in Thailand_ , for the _first_ time wasn’t terrifying enough without his keys also disappearing fifty times in an hour for the sake of a trick. 

Just as he’s about to go ahead and blend into a couple of palm trees in the yard, Koji’s appearing at his elbow with a glint in his eyes. 

“Here,” he says, handing over Meguro’s keys. “Got your keys back, and guess what? I got Uncle Tee’s keys to his motorcycle too. Wanna go for a ride?” 

And Meguro has never been one for public displays of affection, but he really could kiss Koji right now. 


	3. Happiest

Meguro’s practically purring in Koji’s lap with every card of Koji’s fingers through his hair. He doesn’t seem to have realised that he’s doing it, tired out from the long day. 

“Thank you for today,” Koji tells him, uncharacteristically soft, and Meguro must have used up enough bravado for a lifetime because he just mumbles something grudgingly and pretends to be asleep. 

The metal band on Koji’s ring finger glints in the firelight,  _ I do _ already on the tip of his tongue. 


	4. Immortality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abe-chan > Google-sensei

“What do you mean you’re immortal?” Koji’s almost yelling with how loud his voice is. The rest are still half-asleep, casting them nary a concerned glance.

Meguro shrugs, a little frown pinching his brow. He fills his bowl with steaming, fluffy white rice, almost indifferent to the way Koji’s gaping at him. “They said it means I’m going to live forever.”

Koji is trying so hard to not to splutter but the words splutter right out of his mouth. “Y-Yes, _I know what it means_ b-but how did you suddenly become immortal, who did you offend, do you know how _lonely_ it’s going to _be?_ ” 

Meguro picks up a cheery yellow slice of pickled radish. He considers it, then adds two more to his plate. “I just helped an old granny with her groceries yesterday, and suddenly she said that. To be honest, I had to go home and Google it. Then I also called Abe-chan just to make sure.”

Koji turns his attention to Abe queuing up behind him. His own plate still isn’t filled, but the time for breakfast has been long gone. 

“You _knew_ about this?” He demands, and Abe has the decency to flush pink. “I did, but Meme seemed so accepting of it, I thought I’d just respect his wishes and leave it be.”

Meguro finishes filling his tray up with food and shuffles to join the rest of the members. Bewildered and reeling, Koji finds himself trailing along in his wake, his brain still struggling to figure out what this means for him, or the group, or Koji’s glaring-ass crush. _How_ did one even crush on a man who was suddenly immortal?

“Koji-kun, you should eat more.” Meguro tells him, eyes darting to his nearly empty tray. There are only 2 slices of tamagoyaki. From the Before Times, Koji thinks dimly. 

Meguro looks mildly concerned - more than he did about his sudden immortality at any rate. He reaches down, picks up 1 slice of his precious radish pickles and places it on Koji’s place, then looking between their trays, he goes to portion his grilled fish into two.

“Do- Do you know what you’re going to do about it?” Koji ventures, watching Meguro move one portion of fish to his place. His chest swells up all warm despite the circumstances.

Sakuma leans over curiously, his hair sticking out and mussed from his nap in the van. “What about?” He asks around a mouthful of rice. 

“Oh, I’m immortal now.” Meguro tells him plainly, looking at Koji’s tray with satisfaction. He brings his soup bowl to his lips for a sip and makes a happy sound.

“WHAT?” Sakuma yells, big eyes even bigger. Hikaru and Miyadate wince at the volume. 

“Yeah, it means I’m going to live forever now,” Meguro informs him, looking quite pleased with himself. “I asked Abe-chan.”

“That,” Koji bends towards Abe amidst Sakuma’s loud demands for more information. “Is the appropriate reaction to news like that.”

“I understand.” Abe tells him gravely. “I’ll be sure to do that next time.”


	5. College

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Late night confessions

It’s two in the morning, and Koji and Meguro are the only ones left in their apartment.

Empty cups and bottles are strewn all over the coffee table and the floor. When Meguro tries to get up from the floor for water, the whole room tips dangerously before him and he’s back on the ground before he can get anywhere.

A glass of water appears in the only available space on the coffee table in front of him.

“Drink up,” Koji’s voice says by his side, slowed by alcohol himself. Meguro vaguely remembers seeing him downing a couple of shots in quick succession but Koji’s also always been better at holding his drink. 

He lifts the glass to his lips slowly, and as he does so, he feels the weight of Koji’s gaze on him. He keeps drinking. Koji’s always staring at him anyway; he’s used to it now. 

“Meme,” Koji starts, and because Meguro can’t focus on two things when he’s sober let alone when he’s drunk, he places the glass back on the table clumsily, wiping his lips with the back of his hand. 

“Koji,” he replies, turning to him. He finds Koji with his eyes heavy and a flush high on his cheeks. He’s leaning heavily on the couch cushions, head pressed sideways, studying Meguro with an odd seriousness that would make him avoid Koji’s gaze normally. But now, he stares back at him, a boldness burning in his belly.

Koji lets out a soft sigh, his hand reaching up to comb through Meguro’s hair. Maybe it’s the alcohol, or maybe it’s how tired Meguro feels from this week of relentless all-nighters and tests, but this time he lets himself press into the contact, learning into Koji’s palm. It feels cool and dry against his heated cheek, and he can’t help the way the stress seems to drain from his shoulders and his eyes slide close on his own accord. 

“You have no idea how much I love you,” Koji murmurs to himself, so quiet that if it weren’t for the quiet, deep night, Meguro wouldn’t have heard. 

It makes his heart push against his ribcage, insistent and wanting. 

“I like you too, you know,” Meguro drags his eyelids open, just in time to see Koji’s eyes widen minutely. 

“You do?” He asks, bottom lip caught between his teeth and Meguro hates that he knows how to look for Koji’s uncertainties now. 

“I do,” he tells him, letting his thumb go to smooth out Koji’s bitten bottom lip, feeling the puff of warm air against his thumb when Koji lets out a surprised exhale. “And I’ve always wanted to do this.”

This time, Meguro’s the one sliding the palm of his hand against Koji’s cheek. It’s damp and sticky from where it’s been curled up in his lap, but Koji leans into it anyway, lips dropping open in a small shuddering breath. Meguro’s always thought it would be Koji who makes the first move, but it isn’t. He's the one who is there in a split second to catch it, to press his mouth against Koji’s gently and searchingly. 

Koji kisses like he's been dreaming about it for ages, so Meguro does too, following the way his tongue licks into his own, the way their hands find each other and hold on. 

He’s so hot that Meguro feels like he’s burning up from the inside out.

When he finally pulls away, Koji takes a moment for his eyes to flicker open. He lets out a small laugh and shuffles even closer.

“Memeeeeeee,” he cries, ever fond and adoring, and Meguro, embarrassment flooding back to haunt him, just ducks his head and grins. 


	6. Forty-Six Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meme and Koji get some pictures taken.

Meguro hasn’t said anything since they got here, but he hasn’t stopped smiling either. 

Koji links their arms together as lights flash, leaning up to plant his lips on Merguro’s cheek, both of his arms looped through Meguro’s akimbo arm. He’s still a little stiff, not used to the lights and sounds of someone else’s studio. It doesn’t help that the photographer is from Kansai too, and keeps telling them to get closer and look more lovey-dovey. 

“Memeee,” Koji draws out, soft and teasing and just for Meguro to hear. It makes him duck his head, dimple deepening as he lets slip a bashful, shy smile despite his discomfort. Koji tiptoes and smacks his lips against Meguro’s cheek again with no small amount of self-importance. “Memeeeee.”

“What?” Meguro asks, turning to him as the cameraman goes to switch his lenses, leaving them with instructions about getting their hands ready. _So you two can have more time to get used to being in front of the camera,_ he told them, _a lot of people actually get really nervous, so take your time_. 

And Koji was too shy to tell him that it wasn’t the cameras - he knows what the both of them do for a living after all. Instead, it was the bands on their fingers that were making both of their limbs awkward and ungainly like absolute novices. 

Koji grins at Meguro, pulling away and folding his arms. He lets the happiness in his heart out through a little pleased smirk in the tilt of his lips. 

“You look very handsome, my future husband,” he tells him, proud as punch, his hands on his hips now, unable to keep still. It’s 46 days away, his brain reminds him. The number 46 flashes in his mind in neon lights, 46! 46! 46!

Meguro matches him, side glance for side glance, secret little smirk for secret little smirk.

“You’re not too bad yourself,” he tells Koji, turning to run his hands down Koji’s shirt, his hands going to tug on his tie and straighten the knot that has come loose. Koji finds himself instinctively leaning into the contact. His Adam’s Apple bob an inch from Meguro’s slim fingers, his neat fingernails that were manicured for the shoot, his knuckles that are just a little dry. They’re so familiar that Koji’s heart is so full and warm, beating strong in his chest. 

He’s going to get to live with these hands for the rest of his life, fall asleep with them on his face, and wake up to breakfast made by them. Or, well, a man can dream. 

The photographer calls for his assistant from the other side of the room and Koji finds Meguro’s questioning gaze. His hands are gripped tight around Meguro’s fingers, and now Koji dips his head down to press his lips against the simple metal band around his finger.

“What are you doing?” Meguro huffs a laugh, the ends of his ears pink.

As he’s wont to do, Koji skips the formalities. “I love you,” he says, intertwining their fingers, “Can’t wait to annoy you for the rest of our lives.”

It just makes Meguro roll his eyes, and Koji’s been with him long enough to see the fondness in it, fully secure in the fact that he’s never been one to show his love plainly through his words. Koji knows how to find it anyway; he can no longer remember a life before he was able to.

“Let’s get through this first,” Meguro says, his eyes darting down to his feet and back up to Koji’s face, then to where the photographer is returning with his new lens and some props. The uncertainty doesn’t suit his face. “Wish you could be the one taking the pictures instead. I don’t want to ruin anything.” 

Koji reaches up to press back an unruly hair, letting his hand cup Meguro’s face gently. 

“Meme, they’re _our_ wedding photos. The only way you’d ruin them is if you weren’t here at all. I’m marrying _you_ , okay? Not the photos.” It makes Meguro look a little more hopeful, a little more playful like he always is at their shoots and Koji wishes they could take each other’s names right this moment. “Plus,” he adds, “if Kiriyama-kun doesn’t do a good job, that’s on him. He’s my senpai after all, and I _always_ take good pictures of you.”

That makes Meguro laugh properly then, delighted, tickled giggles that rise up from his throat like champagne bubbles. 

Koji is so, so in love.

“Okay,” he agrees. “That’s a good point.”

“See, I’m smart sometimes.” Koji crows, and Meguro just lets out another breathless chuckle at that.

“You’re always smart, that’s why I’m marrying you,” Meguro leans down and presses a chaste kiss against Koji’s lips and they both hear the click of a shutter and Kiriyama’s pleased voice. 

But from where they are, it’s all fuzzy and Koji can’t make out what he’s saying because Meguro is tugging at Koji’s left hand. The happiness in his eyes is plain as day, and the love on his lips is plainer still. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The Meme/Koji shot in the 2nd picture here gave me newlyweds taking wedding photos vibes so strong that I had to write it.](https://twitter.com/arjwkj/status/1314013555620945921)
> 
> (It's in the 2nd tweet in the thread by the way!)


	7. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Koji cares for Meme in his own way.

Meguro expected as much but once they’re past the threshold of their apartment, Koji won’t stop bustling around, fussing over him until Meguro’s head is spinning.

“Meme, you need tea? What about a blanket? Did you want to change first? I made some dinner, if you’re hungry? Or if you’d prefer, I can get you a snack? I bought your favour--”

“Koji.” Meguro says, wincing a little at how loud the words came out. Koji’s voice trails off and Meguro is too tired to look up at what he knows is a slightly hurt expression on his face. He sighs a little, adjusting his leg a little against the couch. It’s itching under the cast and Meguro is so tired from dragging this heavy thing around all day when he’s spent the last week lying in bed. 

His shoulders slump a little. His heart feels like it’s been squished into the spaces between his ribs and it’s pressing hard against his lungs. “Koji,” he says again, making sure to be gentler this time. It hasn’t been easy for Koji too, after all. “I’m fine. Come sit here?” 

Meguro feels the couch dip a little, cushions shifting as Koji makes himself comfortable. He keeps his eyes on the ground, afraid that he’ll say something wrong again. He watches as Koji’s hand reaches over to take one of his hands.

“Sorry, Meme. You must be tired,” Koji’s tone is careful. He squeezes and Meguro squeezes back. He lets himself lean sideways like he’s wanted to since they even left his room at the hospital, letting out a little breath when his head finds Koji’s shoulder. He’s missed this for so long.

“I’m okay,” Meguro lies through his teeth, secure in the knowledge that Koji will never pick at it for the truth. He feels fingers in his hair, stroking gently, scritching just the way that he likes but will never admit.

Koji hums, and it sounds weirdly like their latest single. It makes Meguro smile a little despite himself. 

“Poor Meme,” he murmurs. Meguro wants to nod to make him keep going but even breaking his leg isn’t enough for that. Thankfully, Koji is exactly the kind of person to milk this for all its worth if this was the other way around, so he knows what to do. “Breaking your leg then having to be away from us for so long. You were looking forward to that livestream too, weren’t you? We missed you so much. Everybody did, but especially me.”

“That’s because you’re my boyfriend,” Meguro points out, unable to help himself.

“Hmmm, and also because we’re not Snow Man when Meme isn’t around.” Koji says, almost thoughtless with how much of a fact that is for him. Meguro’s heart warms.

“Well, Snow Man is nine people.” Meguro agrees. The fingers in his hair tickle down to his cheek as Koji gets bored. Meguro can’t help grinning, huffing a laugh that he tries to hide behind a cross expression. When he opens his eyes to see Koji’s face, he knows he’s not kidding anyone. 

“Yeah, and because everyone needs Meme,” he grins back at Meguro fondly, ruffling his hair and looking every inch like the senpai he is. “Get better quickly, okay? I need someone tall to cling to again.”

This time it makes Meguro laugh, trying to scoff and pretend it’s a huge burden even though he’s leaning into Koji’s fingers. They’re trailing along Meguro’s shoulders now, alternating between finding sore spots along the way and fiddling playfully with Meguro’s ear. He would push him away, but he likes it when Koji’s so close and comfortable with him. “Yeah, yeah, I wouldn’t want you to start going after Iwamoto-kun. He’d be so embarrassed.” 

Koji nods thoughtfully. “Yeah, and he’s not Meme either.” 

“Fine. For your sake, I’ll do my best.” Meguro tells him, duck his head shyly. He already feels worlds different from fifteen minutes ago when they had stumbled in together. Now that tight, suffocating feeling in his chest is gone. He reaches out to tuck hair behind Koji’s ear, making him smile so bright and blinding that Meguro can’t look away.

It’s been a full week after all, and he’s missed the feeling of the sun on his face.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No prompt this time. I just wanted to write grumpy and hurt Meme being taken care of by Koji.


	8. All I want is to be your harbor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotional h/c. Koji's thoughts make rounds around his brain, and Meguro reminds him to trust.

Koji is quiet the whole way home. 

In their manager’s car, they sit in silence and out of the corner of his eyes, Meguro watches Koji stare out of the window, lost in thought. His hair is getting long again, tickling at his ears and at the nape of his neck and Meguro wants to reach out and touch. But instead, he follows droplets of water over Koji’s shoulder as they streak across the glass and their manager asks about rehearsals.

The storm lashes at the windshield, and Meguro knows that another is brewing behind Koji’s eyes. His fingers twitch on the leather seat. If only he could just turn Koji to face himself, he would be able to see it, to solve it somehow. But Koji’s so far from him, further than when he was an ocean and a half away in Thailand, video-calling Meguro from his hotel room, bleary and half-buried in the sheets with pillow marks on his cheeks. 

So Meguro tells himself to be patient. He waits until they’re back in the apartment, waits until they’ve both had their baths and they’re safely ensconced under their blanket pile on the couch with teas in their mugs and the TV turned on.

Koji looks a little lighter now at least. His legs are curled under the blankets and he lets them tangle with Meguro’s on the elongated L of their couch, easy and unwanting. 

Meguro had briefly entertained the idea of joining him in the shower just now even if it was just for a massage, but he remembered the set of Koji’s shoulders right after rehearsals, how heavy they had looked and he had known that today wasn’t a day for that.

The quiz show they’re watching goes into the commercials and Koji’s weight against his side becomes heavier. 

Meguro looks over, bends to kiss the top of his head, and runs out of patience.

“You okay?” He asks. He knows it’s a broad question, but he doesn’t want to prod either and he knows that Koji will take it the way he needs to. 

“Yeah,” Koji says but his eyes dart down to their hands resting on the blankets. There is still distance between them. Meguro doesn’t know what to say to make it all go away, but he knows Koji’s the type to talk if he gives him the space to, and god, has Meguro been trying his best to learn how to make that space.

“You… wanna talk about it?” He tries, staring at the TV, wanting so much to take Koji’s hand but not knowing if that will scare him away. 

Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees Koji duck his head, his right hand making a fist in the blankets.    


“I…” He starts. “It’s stupid anyway, forget it,” and Meguro recognises that tone in his voice. 

It nudges at the memory of the look on Koji’s face after rehearsals, how he had sighed quietly under his breath despite how hard he had danced, how he had buried his face in his arms at his dressing table when he thought no one was looking. 

Meguro’s heart is an anchor in his chest. 

“It’s not,” he says, turning to give Koji his attention. “If it’s making you upset, I want to share the weight too.”

He catches the way Koji’s mouth wobbles and his nose twitches. Koji lets out a small quiet laugh that Meguro knows is supposed to lighten the mood, but he catches the self-deprecation woven into it.

How did he become such an expert in Koji’s moods and gestures in less than a year? 

He has no idea.

“It’s just hard when the whole group is so good at it, you know?” Koji takes a shaky breath. “Being this shitty at dancing then being added last minute to a bunch of guys that practically grew up together, and it’d be at least a little bit understandable if it was just the old songs, but - I can’t even catch up with the new ones. You and Raul are already in sync with everyone else, but I  — ” He lets out a harsh breath and Meguro knows he’s already crying. 

“You?” Meguro nudges gently, a little afraid of how that sentence ends.

“What’s the point of bringing me over from Kansai when I can’t even do something so basic? Why am I even still here in the company when I can’t dance? Maybe they should just  _ fire _ me. I know some fans want as much  —” The sobs tear through his body, shaking his shoulders like an earthquake. Meguro knows he’s been keeping that in all day, knows that those thoughts have been tormenting him the whole way home.

“Oh, Koji,” he murmurs gently, heart breaking. He gathers Koji into his arms, kissing the top of his hair again, smelling the eucalyptus shampoo that they both share. 

The storm still rages on outside, whipping at their veranda doors, rattling the glass in its frame.

Meguro has a billion things he wants to say, platitudes and reassurances but he knows Koji. They’ve talked about this so many times. He knows that it hurts sometimes for the both of them but that doesn’t take away any of the hard work they’ve done to get to where they are now. He knows Koji knows this too. 

Sometimes it’s just hard to listen to a small quiet truth when the other voices are so much louder.

He strokes Koji’s hair, gently squeezing the back of his neck until his sobs slow to sniffles, and he’s got his face buried in Meguro’s shoulder.

“You know those things aren’t true.” Meguro murmurs, pressing his cheek into Koji’s hair gently. He feels the tight fists of Koji’s hands in his jumper and his heart is so heavy. “You may not be the best at dancing, but Snow Man wouldn’t be Snow Man without you. You know Iwamoto-kun’s said it so many times too. You brighten every room you step in; you make us whole. Dancing is something you can pick up, but that isn’t. And…” Meguro trails off, thinking. The words are on the tip of his tongue, but maybe it’s too early to say them out yet. His cheeks are heating up just thinking about it.

“And…?” Koji asks, pulling away to look up at Meguro, and Meguro’s heart lurches at the sight of his puffy tear stained cheeks. 

It’s only been a few months but he knows that he loves this man. 

“And… if you didn’t come to Tokyo, I wouldn’t have met you. If they had fired you, then I wouldn’t have known about this part of myself, o-or this part of my heart that’s now yours.” It’s cheesy as hell but Koji bared his heart and somehow, Meguro feels like it’s his turn to be brave too.

“That’s sappy as hell, Meguro.” Koji shoves at him gently, swiping at his tears with the back of his hand, but Meguro just holds him close, laughing softly at himself. 

“That was,” he agrees. “But I love you, and it makes me sad that you’re thinking those things about yourself. Those people don’t know what they’re talking about. They don’t know you like we do. They don’t know how much we need you -  _ I _ need you now. The company brought you here for a reason, okay? Those people haven’t managed record-breaking groups, have they?” 

Koji shakes his head, forlorn. Meguro reaches over and brushes his tears away with his thumbs.

“Trust me, okay? Trust us. Iwamoto-kun said you were improving already. Everything takes a little bit of time. Raul and I are still figuring out how to even talk sometimes, but you already got that down.” Meguro huffs a laugh, looking down at where Koji’s tangling their fingers together. He squeezes. “Maybe I could help you with your dancing if you help me with my talking.”

Finally, it makes a smile creep onto Koji’s face. It’s small and barely there, but Meguro catches it anyway. 

“You wouldn’t want to do the jokes I do, Mr. Meguro I-Am-A-Model-Not-A-Comedian Ren.” He tuts lightly, poking a fingertip into Meguro’s cheek and Meguro puffs it out just to make him giggle.

He reaches out and ruffles Koji’s hair gently, leaning in to press his lips against his cheek.

“Okay, maybe not those,” he manages before Koji slips his hand to the back of his neck and pulls him back in gratefully for more.


	9. Gravity's making me dizzy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meguro's a long way away and Koji misses him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! Sorry this is kinda lame, but Koji had feelings and it became way longer than I expected.

It’s almost midnight by the time Meguro’s call comes in, and Koji hits the green telephone icon immediately. 

“Hello? Can you hear me?” Meguro’s face is fuzzy on the screen, fizzing in and out of focus.

“I can! Loud and clear,” Koji waves at the screen, then his laptop camera. He’s weirdly nervous, palms all damp and his scalp prickling with sweat. He watches Meguro peer at the camera unsurely, fiddling with something out of frame while his own eyes dart to his own face in the corner of the screen. 

Finally, Meguro settles fully into the seat before the camera. The wondering look on his face deepens into a wide genuine smile, and Koji’s heart trips over its own rhythm. 

“Hi,” Meguro says, voice low and sweet as honey, trickling across time and space, straight into Koji’s ears.

Koji grins back at him, matching his quiet tone. “Hey you.” 

It’s only been a few months, but it’s felt like years since he saw Meguro off that early morning in September, pulling him back for kiss after kiss in their genkan and making him promise to call every so often. 

They’ve done their best to keep to the promise, but as Meguro’s supervisor told him when he signed up for the programme a few years ago, getting used to life outside the solar system is a whole other ballgame. It’s equally hard for both the ones in zero gravity and the ones with their feet firmly planted on Earth.

Then, as if he’s just remembered the purpose of the call, Koji perks up.

“Meme, Happy New Year!” He crows, wiggling his fingers at his boyfriend before his arms fling themselves outwards on their own accord. “Happy 2521! “

Meguro grins at him shyly as he props his chin up on the back of his hand, his nose crinkling. 

“Happy New Year to you too. In like 18 minutes.”

His pod is sparse behind him, military-neat. Koji spots a starched corner of his bed. Then, when Meguro shifts, there are three soft paws and one floppy ear of Mochi, the Golden Retriever plushie that Koji won for him at that summer festival two years ago. His heart squeezes within the hollow cage of his ribs. 

There is so much he would give to be right there next to Meguro, hundreds and thousands of light-years away from their apartment in Edogawa.

“Are you tired?” Meguro asks, breaking Koji out of his reverie. It takes him a moment to react, taking a sip from his cooled mug of tea before he can drag his eyes from how Meguro’s freshly washed hair is flopping over his eyes.

If he’d known New Year’s Eve would make the longing this acute, then he wouldn’t have finished the whole bottle of wine.

“Mm, I’m okay.” He says, although the question makes him stifle a yawn. “You’ve probably been busier than me anyway. Did they give you time off for New Year’s? Or like, are you guys doing anything special?”

Meguro shrugs, his tongue darting out to wet his lips which makes Koji want to remind him about lip balm and kiss him at the same time. He settles for curling his fingers tighter around the handle of his mug. 

It used to be - It _is_ Meguro’s. Koji’s just borrowing it for now. 

“We’re taking turns to take time off. Abe-kun, Iwamoto-san, and I were all off for the evening shift tonight, so we just watched a movie and had a couple of beers before Iwamoto-san had to call his girlfriend—”

“And you had to call me!” Koji finishes for him, pressing his palm proudly against his heart as he puffs out his chest.

“Yeah,” Meguro ducks his head, cheeks flushing. “I had to come talk to you.”

“That makes me happy, Meme.” Koji grins, his shoulders sagging under all the feelings he has. They line up along his tongue, like unruly school children trying to jump the queue until he just doesn’t know where to start or what to say. The alcohol isn’t helping either.

So he just sighs a little and repeats, “That makes me really happy.”

There’s a quiet moment, made awkward by all the virtual space between them. 

Meguro’s eyes are soft on Koji in a way that used to make him fidget, but now, all he wants is to pull Meguro into his arms and breathe him in. Maybe he’ll still smell like he used to, like the eucalyptus shampoo they shared. After all, he brought a bottle into space with him. Hopefully he still hasn’t run out yet. 

Koji would send him more, if he could. 

If he could, then that would mean Meguro is close enough for Koji to go to him. For the billionth time, Koji wishes he could close up all the space between them so he can tell how Meguro’s doing with his very own eyes. Then, he’ll be able to run his eyes along the line of his back or track the anxious movements of his fingertips along Koji’s spine and know how his day went. After all, Meguro’s body has always been far more articulate than his mouth. 

Well. 

Koji also misses the way Meguro’s mouth speaks, especially when it’s pressed up hot and wanting against his own. It’s been too long. There is only so much the agency-assigned holograms can do, and Koji’s pretty sure he’s exhausted all the functions that theirs has.

“Well—” Meguro starts the very moment Koji goes, “It’s almost midnight here.”

Meguro nods, eyes darting to the side to what must be a clock. 

“Wanna count down?” He asks, indulgent as always, and Koji huffs a laugh. 

“Of course,” he tells him, looking at their Totoro clock hanging over the TV. 

Four minutes. 

There’s another silence, and Koji’s about to rush in to fill it up with noise when Meguro swallows and goes, “I miss you, Koji.”

It’s not the first time he’s said it, but this is the most vulnerable Koji’s felt when he has. 

There’s something about going into the new year for the first time without Meguro curled up on the sofa next to him. He can hear the New Year’s party next door revving up. It feels like he’s stepped into another universe where he’s turned down all party offers on New Year’s Eve to sit in his apartment eating cold pizza and drinking supermarket wine while he waited for his space boyfriend to video-call him.

Koji’s throat works as he braces himself. 

“That’s unlike you.” Meguro fixes him with an amused look. Koji catches the uncertainty that flashes across his eyes. “You’re usually one who won’t stop saying it and I’m the one who has to tell you to stop” 

Koji makes himself grin, but his bottom lip wobbles despite his best efforts. 

“Nah, it’s just…” He glances at the time. One minute. 

“You okay?” Meguro asks, leaning so close to the camera that all Koji can see is his eyes and nose. Then, it’s just his nose, twitching as he goes “Is something wrong, Koji?”

It makes Koji laugh suddenly. “You can’t get here through that, you know.” 

Meguro giggles, embarrassed to be caught out. He pulls away from the camera, and Koji adds wryly, “And you’re the one with the space training. They should have sent me instead.”

Something on Meguro’s side dings and suddenly, they’re both counting down.

“Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one!” Koji cheers quietly. “Happy New Year.” 

It’s a little lackluster, and it’s dumb to be going into the new year like a wet blanket when Koji spent all day telling himself that he wasn’t going to be emotional.

So he says it again, louder and with more gusto this time. 

“Happy New Year, Meme!” He does a little jig, shaking his fists up and down. It somehow morphs into a dance from a Kansai comedian he loves and Koji just leans into it, standing up from his chair to twirl his fingers and snap them out at his hip.

It makes Meguro laugh, guffawing in a way that Koji hasn’t seen in a while, so he keeps doing it until there are tears in Meguro’s eyes and he’s slamming his hands on his desk like Koji’s the funniest thing on this side of the Milky Way.

“I’m hilarious, aren’t I?” Koji asks when Meguro’s finally stopped to catch his breath. He’s swiping tears from his eyes and Koji makes himself grin so wide that his cheeks ache.

The knowledge that nothing’s changed makes him feel a little lighter at least. They’re a few hundred thousand light-years apart and Meguro is some fancy scout for the Intergalactic Planetary Protection Agency, but Koji can still make him laugh until he cries.

“You’re the best,” Meguro admits between tiny breathless giggles.

Koji preens, then he looks down at his hands so he doesn’t have to see Meguro’s face when he says it. 

“And I miss you too, Meme. So very very very much.”

Meguro looks up at him through all the blurry pixels and his unruly fringe, wide-eyed and so beautiful that Koji’s heart aches a little. Space can take his boyfriend from him, but god, Koji’s going to be right here waiting when it gives him back in another one year and six months - not that anyone’s counting. 

“But I’m so proud that you’re getting to do this and you’re getting to fulfil your dreams. I’m really, really proud. I think my proud feelings are actually more than my missing-you feelings, which are already a lot. But my proud feelings are even more.” Koji tells him, sincere and incredibly inarticulate. 

Meguro ducks his head. Koji can see the emotions on his face; gratitude, pride, happiness, guilt, and worry. He’s fiddling with something off-screen again, and it takes him a moment to put it away. 

“I’ll do my best to make it worth it for you,” he says, honest to a fault.

But Koji just shakes his head. 

“You already are, Meme. You already made it there, and I want you to stop worrying about me. Do your best. Be the best scout they’ve ever had. Find another planet or something. Beat Iwamoto-san, even. But when you come back, I’m going to be right here, waiting for you to dry my hair again. I’m going to make you do it every single night, so you’d better be prepared for that.” 

That makes the guilt fade. The worry lingers though, and Koji knows there’s nothing he can do to stop Meguro worrying other than keep himself alive and like, not do drugs.

Meguro swallows before he looks up to meet Koji’s eyes through the screen. 

“I’ll be the best scout and the best hair-dryer ever.” He tells Koji. If it was anyone else, Koji would take it as a joke but it’s his Meme, who’s been serious and sincere and kind since the day they met in class all those years ago. 

“Pinky promise, then.” Koji presses his little finger to the camera, and his screen fills up with pinky when Meguro does it back. “Also, if you find a new planet, you should name it after me.”

“That’s not the way it works, Koji,” Meguro tells him with a laugh, leaning back in his chair. 

“Do it and I’ll marry you,” Koji wriggles his eyebrows in what he hopes is an encouraging manner. From the way Meguro is cackling, he might have failed.

“Even if I don’t, you’ll marry me anyway, won’t you? You’ll be at the altar even before me.” Meguro points out, breathless and blushing. 

And, uhm. Koji can’t even pretend to lie. 


	10. Muse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meguro is an apprentice carver at an Edo's woodprint shop, and Koji is a new artist.
> 
> _And now, his artist is in his bed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a sucker for Edo AUs, and I want a feature length film of these boys in HD Colour.

And now, his artist is in his bed.

Ren doesn’t have the time to catch his breath because Koji is pulling him closer, saying nothing for once. His window is open and the moon lights up a sliver of Koji’s face, the gentle arch of his eyebrows to the sharp of his nose and down to his soft lips, cutting like a torch and held like a torch to the flaps of his undone kimono and the expanse of pale, pale chest. 

Ren stills.

By now, he is so used to being patient. After all, he has been trained out of his Edokko tendencies by the long hours spent at the carver’s desk, studying the layers of color needed for the next print that he thought he had lost them all. In this moment though, he finds himself seized by all of them again. He wants to trace the lines of this face before him, to find the subtle dips, and revel in the way Koji’s lips part when Ren pushes his thumb against them. 

“I need you,” he says, the words taking deep root in his chest like ink stains in wood. “Now.”

Here, they discover the push and pull of each other’s bodies, in Ren’s unmade futon, heavy with the last humid dregs of summer. Ren’s master taught him that just like how the artist is observant of his subjects, the printer must also be observant of the artist and his quirks.

So Ren is.

In the thin light, he listens to the quiet gasps of his artist, how his body moves when it arches and wants and yearns, how he loves as unabashedly in bed as he does at his desk. Ren feels it everywhere - in the wet heat of him around his fingers, in his begging mouth forming Ren’s name even through the hand he presses to Koji’s mouth, in how Koji wants and wants and wants some more.

Ren catalogues all of them in his head. He might never be allowed again. It’s so precious that he feels as if he must never desire again after tonight, that he must never make another memory to write over this one.

And when they lay panting and intertwined in each other, drunk on kisses and sweet-nothings, Ren finds the rough shape of an understanding. 

He smiles as Koji’s paint-stained fingertips play along the light on his chest. 

_That felt good,_ Koji murmurs, sweet and sated in a way that Ren never thought he would be allowed to see. His heart is pounding so hard now, harder than it did when they stumbled through the door and Koji was gasping Ren’s name in a way that lit his blood on fire. Even now, he wants to hear it again and again and again but it is only their first time, and his artist cannot yet know the extent of Ren’s desire.

So he presses their lips together, slow and searching in the quiet. 

So Ren tells him, _it felt good for me too_ and lets Koji roll up against his chest. He pulls Ren’s arm around his own shoulders, and Ren gives in to the understanding instead.

He thinks about the way Koji insisted that the squirrel’s tail must not be muddied between layers even at the costly expense of a reprint, and how his eyes had shone when he explained why the autumn leaves must be that specific shade of red and orange. 

He thinks, maybe this is why he has never been annoyed with Koji when he makes those requests the way he does with other artists, why he let Koji wax lyrical about a new brush technique even when his master was shaking his head over the account books and Ren had a mountain of new paintings waiting with colours to mix and layers to print.

Koji looks up at him and in the faint light of dawn, he smiles, burying his face into Ren’s chest.

For the rest of the morning, Ren traces the constellations on Koji’s body and gives in.


	11. Dirty Little Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Koji offends a magician and gets turned into a fox boy. Meguro... isn't mad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at [how](https://twitter.com/mkkj_style/status/1345375096047718401) [CUTE](https://twitter.com/WS5s1105yun/status/1345374142011305985) fox!Koji is!!!!!

It happens all of a sudden. 

One second, they’re making out, hot and heavy in Meguro’s narrow bed, and the next Koji is lying stunned under Meguro, blinking owlishly up at him.

Or should he say, fox-ishly?

Meguro tentatively reaches out to brush Koji’s ears. They’re soft and fluffy under his fingers. He runs his fingers along the fluffy edges of them, and Koji lets out a little breathless whine that makes Meguro twitch in his pants in a way that he really doesn’t want to think about right now. 

“Wait, what? What just happened?” Meguro asks as his other hand trails across the sheets to rub its thumb against Koji’s cherry red nose. 

It doesn’t smudge. It is definitely _not_ makeup. 

“I don’t - It happens sometimes, I don’t know why.” Koji’s got that pout he made when he dropped the mug that Meguro got for him and now wants him to buy another one. 

His tail swishes out from under him, snaking up like a charmed snake and tickling at Meguro’s nose. It makes him sneeze and they both jump.

“Koji.” Meguro lets a bit of a warning tone slip into his voice and Koji gives it up.

“Fine,” he whines in a high, reedy voice. “I was looking for a fox costume at that shop behind the studio the other day. The dodgy-looking one. I just thought it would be hot for you because I saw the way you were looking at those anime cat-girls, but they weren’t a costume store!” 

He’s wailing now, and Meguro can’t stop snorting with something that might be a mixture of panic and mirth. 

“What were they then?” He asks, just because they’ve already come so far. 

Koji flops out his limbs on the bed, his tail coming up to hide his face and his ears draw down in a way that makes some carnal part of Meguro want to protect him at all costs. 

“It was just some guy with magic! He got mad because I asked what happened. I mean, anyone would ask if they saw someone with such a bloated face!” Koji’s eyes peek over the tail and he looks like something out of Meguro’s deepest, wettest dreams. 

Meguro clears his throat. “Uh-huh,” he says, resolutely not looking down at the way he must be half-hard in his trousers right now. 

Unfortunately, Koji does. His right ear twitches in mild interest.

“Hm? Meme?” Koji asks, his tail drawing away from his face. It goes back to brush against the back of Meguro’s hand in what he must think is a flirtatious gesture, then gently between Meguro’s legs. It’s followed by Koji’s curious hand, and Meguro looks up to find Koji looking at him with the beginnings of a smug look.

He swallows. Hard.

“Meme, maybe I’m wrong but is this turning you on?” Koji shuffles to his knees, sticking his face so close to Meguro. On any other day, Meguro would shove him away but he’s hot all over and the proximity is making him even hotter still. 

Plus, Koji’s ears twitch with every emotion that passes across his face and it’s so cute that Meguro wants to scream a little.

Meguro reaches out again, and Koji puffs out his cheeks. 

“Meme thinks I’m cute?” He says in that high school girl voice that he does. He cocks his head to the side and flutters his eyelashes alluringly. 

This time, Meguro feels bolder. He rubs the tips of Koji’s ears gently, feeling the thin membrane of them and Koji lets out a deep throaty sound that’s positively pornographic.

“S-Stop, n-no, don’t stop - Meme, please,” his hips work up a little, twitching even where he’s cross-legged on the bed, and wow, Meguro could get used to this. 

“Did the guy say when this was going to wear off?” He asks, straining to keep his voice under control. It’s hard when your boyfriend has fox ears and a tail and who looks like someone recorded all your wet dreams from high school and managed to find the recurring theme. 

“No, but - “ Koji lets out a little _oof_ when Meguro tackles him back onto the bed. 

In that case, there’s no time to waste. 


End file.
